How is it possible ,

To not feel anything at all. Or when you feel something, to ignore it?

It's impossible. I can't just turn off the ability to worry. To care. To wonder.

I have to poor my own fucking heart out to a computer screen because I feel like my friends won't care. I've sunken so low.

Yet, I feel like I have nothing to worry about compared to other people.

I slice my skin open, and if I'm not doing it, I'm thinking about it. I was going to be a month clean, but I gave into it.

It's a fucking addiction. I don't care what anyone says.

For one moment in my life, I feel in control. I feel like I have control over my pain, over my body. Over what I think about.

When the blood streams out, when the throbbing becomes stronger, it's all reminders that I'm still alive. That I'm still able to control one thing in my life.

I'm so confused with my life. I have whsipers from summers ago taunting me. I have subtle reminders of the romance I once had that was going perfect, but it crumbled because of my fucking mental illnesses.
Now I have the one guy, who wants to be the love of my life. And, while he is there, always to hold me, always to talk, to let me cry in his arms, to praise my accomplishments, love me, kiss me. But now, I'm too scared to lose him. He's fragile. More than me. He's been hurt more than me. And I don't know if im more scared of him hurting me again, or me hurting him.

I have no idea what to do anymore, and it doesn't help that I question my sexuality every second of the day at school, surrounded by beautiful girls with amazing personalities. Alas, the one i like the most would never even give me a moment of day, as she's a popular straight girl. But she's so beautiful.. sweet.. always happy.. and she's so nice.

LOOOOOORD HELP ME.

TEENAGE DRAMA .